November
29, 2003
031129 Animals
with stupid expressions
click on the picture
to enlarge
Here is my entry to the: "Animals with stupid
expressions" competition
If you got some as well send them in.
She had beautiful legs.
Especially at the point where they were fusing.
She called me a sweet talker.
So I had to prove my sincerity with my tongue.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
28 , 2003
031128 Mummy
in a state of profound abstraction
click on the picture
to enlarge
2003, 11.5" x 16", ink & watercolor
on paper
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
27 , 2003
031127 The
Axed Article
The following is an article I was commissioned
to write.
Underneath that you'll find the response for the
editor.
Hehehe, I can write whatever I want for "....."
magazine. That's like giving a bottle of whiskey
and the car keys to a teenager. My initial thought
has been a deliberation on my supposedly excessive
masturbation habits (my therapist and I are still
arguing what constitutes "excessive".
We differ by a large margin). But I won't do that
because it is exactly what everybody would expect.
Also, that publication is more about ways to get
some pussy than about how to play with your cock'n
balls. Therefore I want to introduce to you a different
approach to the basic theme:
Why I've
got pussy liberated.
My name is "The Shy Stick Insect Hunter"
and I am an artist. Like any good artist I spent
most of my life chasing pussy. You can't imagine
all the stupid things I used to do just to get my
rocks off. Anything I did or had planed to do was
being guided by getting my hands and/or another
well-trained part of my body in touch with some
pussy. My whole life revolved around my attempts
to stick that pathetic little dick of mine into
some female receptor. Do you have any idea what
that little fucker has cost me so far? I could have
bought a real nice car with all that "pussy
saved" money. Ironically if you don't need
pussy you don't need no fancy car either because
the only reason you have a fancy car for is for
you to get some more pussy. If I would have tied
my tubes before puberty I even could have had a
house in the suburbs by now as well. But who needs
a house in the suburbs? You only buy a house in
the suburbs to please some pussy. Men don't need
houses in suburbs. For all I care I could live in
a cave as long there is a TV and a fridge full of
beer. Being pussy liberated, there is also no need
to get married since you are not one of those desperate
hormone carriers who need constant pussy even if
it means working the same old, left-over pussy again
and again. Getting married is no guaranty that you'll
get your desperately needed relief. Don't forget
there is still PMS and migraine to deal with and
let's not even mention what happens if your "pussy
pleasing funds" should run low.
I am done with all of this.
I had it and I don't need no pussy no more.
I am donated my testosterone to hormone therapies
for elderly Afghani women. I am pussy liberated.
You could put a nice big juicy pussy right in front
of my face and I would see right through it.
The best part of it, besides all the money I safe,
is how I can suddenly again notice all the beautiful
things around me. Since I am not busy anymore constantly
checking out titties and asses I can focus on being
an artist, see beauty and document it. I also found
out that women are actually real people.
So here is my advice to you. Cut your balls off
before you fall under the spell. Once you tasted
pussy, it is probably too late. You have to be watchful
of the ladies though. Never show them that you are
pussy liberated. Ladies don't like it if you don't
pay any attention to them. Once they figure out
that they lost their spell they can get pretty nasty.
But hey, at least then they can't bust your balls
anymore. :-)
The editor :
Sorry, Andy. I may not have made myself very clear
because there isn't a snowball's chance in hell
"....." magazine can publish your article.
See, we're Opus Dei-owned! Any reference to "pussy"
or "dick" will inspire moves to have me
excommunicated. Could you whip something a bit tamer
up?
Maybe a sort of autobiography about "how a
German ends up in Manila and becomes a full-time
artist after a career in advertising" kinda
thing.
You still have a lot of leeway in writing this but,
please, easy on the sex.
It would shock the higher-ups in my company into
offering novenas for me.
My apologies again for not being more precise earlier.
I suppose when I said to make it irreverent I didn't
expect it to be so...um...irreverent.
And my response:
Dear V,
No worries, I can still use the article for my
website.
Ok, I will whip up something tamer but I will blame
you that I won't make it again to the gym today
because of that. So when I get fat it's your fault
:-)
I have still to figure out how to write something
without using the essential words like "pussy,
dick and masturbation". For me it would be
easier to go without "and, but, and the"
Andy
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
26 , 2003
031126 Inebriated,
Intoxicated, Pixilated Drunks
I hereby solemnly swear that I will not accept any
belief or tradition however ancient or common without
questioning it.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
23 , 2003
031123 Red Table
click on the picture
to enlarge
1989, oil on canvas
It is very hard to prove a point when you are holding
an eggplant in your hand.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
22 , 2003
031122 Blue
Table
click on the picture
to enlarge
1989, oil on canvas
Just because there are 5.3 billion rotten apples you
can't condemn mankind as such.
One has to believe in the good of mankind but at the
same time prepare for the bad.
Mankind is basically bad unless people are put in
an environment of goodness.
We have to provide as many of those spaces as we can.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
21 , 2003
031121 Acting
Saved My Life
Chummy
Party
The only thing we can learn from the past is that
we have no idea what will happen in the future.
All you can do is to envision as many different scenarios
as possible.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
19 , 2003
031119 Act Now,
Art Now
Art
Camp 3
Apparently there are some people with some really twisted
humor out there on the internet.
That's why I dedicated myself to a more wholesome and
intellectual approach on my website
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
13 , 2003
031113 Phantys
click on the picture
to enlarge
While I
was going through a pile of old drawings I found this
series of elephant Kamasutra.
I must have been about 13 years old when I drew this.
As you can see my deeply intellectual approach towards
art has it's roots in the earliest phases of my childhood.
By the way a lot of these I haven't tried yet.
Have you ever tried a vanity search on the net?
It's easy. All you have to do is go to Google and type
in your name.
You will be surprised in what corners of the net your
name might pop up.
Like for example, I found out that I am apparently a
celebrity in the elitist circles of transvestite art:
Make
time for transvestite art
Home. Extra transvestite art. Art of
AndyMaluche, Man Who Dated A
Transvestite ... 030123 Man Who Dated A Transvestite
... Man who ...
cybernights.traffictakeaway.com/transvestite-art.html
- 49k - Cached
- Similar
pages
Unfortunately the link on that page doesn't work. This
is what they wanted to link to.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November
11 , 2003
031111 Drunk
and stoned idiot just found out why you are not supposed
to microwave eggs
click on the picture
to enlarge
Always be sure that you have an alternative.
If you missed the opportunity of the alternative you
better enjoy your original choice.
Civilization is based on the concept of avoiding responsibility.
Every deed and decision is justified or sanctioned
by a higher authority like god, government and the
financial market.
Most people are scared of becoming someone who has
to have the strength to rely on his or her own knowledge
and support.
They rather toil for someone else than take the responsibility
to helm their own destiny.
I knew it.
I have been on the right track all my life.
First the BBC reported that masturbation is good for
you because it prevents prostate cancer.
duuhh...
Now the
BBC reports that drinking beer keeps you smart.
I wasn't aware that I am such a total health freak.
How come you're still unhappy even if everything is
going your way?
A girl shows you a lot of affection.
How come you're not satisfied with that until you've
fucked her?
How come you always measure yourself against things
that are out of your reach?
The seasons force you to reinvent yourself every three
months.
Without them you have to have the resourcefulness
to do it by yourself.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November 3 ,
2003
031103 Blissfully
Happy,
Big-Eyed Mummy
click on the picture to enlarge
When I was in Germany I visited a schoolmate of mine
in a small town called Bechhofen.
It turned out that Bechhofen is the brush making capital
of Germany and it so happened that my friend is a
close buddy of the owner of one of the companies,
Habico http://www.habico.de/
They are specialized in high quality brushes.
The owner was so nice to give me a tour of his factory
which was simply amazing.
Imagine you have to learn for 3 years before you can
become a brush maker master.
The reason I write all of this here is that just before
I left, I received one of those brushes as a gift.
I tried it out on this Big Eyed Mummie drawing and
I am in love.
It is the best brush I have ever used.
From now on I won't use anything else.
2003, 10" x 15", ink on paper
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
November 2, 2003
031102 Drift
Öme
click on the picture
to enlarge
The original idea of
Öme was to create an non existing tribal art.
When I was just in Kalinga, Philippines I talked with
some of the tribes people about it. Then I found this
piece of drift wood and I decided to work on the idea
again.
So in the future you might see some more Oeme tribal
art.
Joey Ayala is one of the most original and progressive
Filipino musician and poet.
If you are Filipino I don't have to tell you anything
more, you know Joey. Everybody else, whenever you
have a chance you should watch him in concert.
A very sophisticated entertainer, Joey turns every
show into a special event. Check his concert schedule,
prose and everything Joey on his
new website..
November 1. 2003 Daily News
Hallo my friends,
Since I left Germany 8 days ago I have been continously
on the move.
Therefore you have been getting a lot of warm-ups
and left-overs.
On top of that we had trouble with our website and
it was down for a couple of days.
But now I am back with hundreds of photographs, pages
full of notes and a brain where every available space
that has not yet been taken up by alcohol and narcotics
is filled up with ideas.
So please stay tuned for my posts about Bangkok and
an amazing hiking and rafting in the remote mountains
of Kalinga, Northern Philippines.
To be able to manipulate people doesn't mean that
you have to be bad.
Manipulating people into accepting your ideas which
will result in their advantage is different than to
trying to get their money.
Teachers manipulate pupils.
