Great art happens within restrictions or limitations,
in times of crisis.
It forces you to be creative.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
31, 2003
031031 Ballet
Cooperation 3
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I am a screaming minimalist,
getting the highest results with the least effort.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
29, 2003
031029 Ballet
Cooperation 2
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In artist circles you'll find a lot of people afraid
of the outside world.
They are hiding in a place where your own style has
no competition and most of the time they actually believe
nobody can judge them.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
27, 2003
031027 Ballet
Cooperation 1
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If you are a curator and an artist approaches you and
wants to make a show in your place, ask him if he is
willing to take up a loan of 50, 000 dollars and pre-finance
the show.
If he still wants to do it ask him if he also agrees
not to sell any of his work.
By then you would lose most of them.
The urge to show is mostly not the driving factor.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
25, 2003
031025 The Joyful
Dance of the Amphibian
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to enlarge
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
22, 2003
031022 Kloster
Andechs
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to enlarge
A couple of days ago my mom and I went to the monastery
of Andechs, 50 kms south of Munich. Kloster Andechs, a
very old monastery sitting on top of a small hill is a
famous tourist destination. Especially for the people
from Munich it is a regular ritual to take the car or
the train to a valley nearby and from there walk for about
an hour up that hill to reach the monastery. You would
think that those people are very pious to undertake such
a strenuous pilgrimage. Although many of those religious
disciples will readily proclaim their spiritual intentions,
I have to point out that there might be the occasional
ulterior motive behind all that devotion.
Kloster Andechs is famous for:
a) a great cheese,
b) really good Bavarian cuisine and most importantly
c) those monks brew a hell of a beer.
After an hour walk and a short obligatory visit to
the old chapel, everybody ends up either in the vast
beer hall or if the weather permits in the beer garden.
The next couple of hours those devotees get totally
hammered on the monk's finest ales and stuff themselves
with gigantic Hax'n (pork knuckles) or Leberkaes (meat
loaf).
In the afternoon, droves of those good Christians, spiritually
revived, are tumbling down the hill again.
Now that is a religious ritual I can understand.
It is the closest I ever come to some kind of spiritual
enlightenment.
As I mentioned above, Kloster Andechs is also famous
for its cheese. You can buy their cheese only at the
Kloster and there is a reason for that.
The cheese smells.
It actually stinks so bad that it is impossible to bring
it into a enclosed room or to transport in any way without
risking to get lynched by the people around you.
It would blow the windows out of your car if you tried
bring it home. If they would have found some of that
cheese in Iraq, Bush and Blair would have been vindicated.
I guess it would qualify as a biological weapon of mass
destruction.
My mom actually bought one for me. In the train on
the way home we had to put our bag in the next compartment
and the we tried to look indifferent.
People started to sniff, distorting their faces and
looking all around the train for some kind of a dead
animal.
My mom and I were pretending to look around as well.
But the cheese tastes really great once you get it
past your gas-mask.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
19, 2003
031019 Penis Warmer
for the Sophisticated Gentleman
click on the picture
to enlarge
As I mentioned before it is autumn in Germany and it
tends to get rather cold.
In order to protect themselves from that cold, Germans
have developed warm jackets, hats, gloves and penis warmers.
After all, if your hands and head are warm it is only
fair to keep your cock'n balls cozy as well.
You all know that I am staying with my mom at the moment.
In good old family tradition she knitted me my very own
penis warmer.
I feel much better now.
Even if it get's as cold as in Siberia, I won't freeze
my balls off.
Thank you Mom.
PS: "Penis Warmer for the Sophisticated Gentleman"
is a registered trademark owned by the Manfred Maluche
trust.
My father used to give those away as corporate gifts
to his clients like Henkel, Tartex and Haus Bergmann.
I am not shitting you. And my Grandmother knitted all
of them for him.
Now you know why I didn't become an accountant.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
15, 2003
031015 Beduerfnisanstaltbenutzungsordnung
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to enlarge
As you all knew, "Beduerfnisanstalt" means toilet,
of course.
Literally, "Beduerfnisanstaltbenutzungsordnung" means:
"Desire Institution Usage Ordinance"
But you knew that as well.
To be correct it should have been spelled in one word
and I have already sent a written complaint, in triplicate,
to the "Stadtwerke Muenchen Gmbh".
If you ever come to Germany, you will probably encounter
a "Beduerfnisanstaltbenutzungsordnung"at some point.
Therefore, in order to protect you from any possibly
negative encounters with the law, I went through the
pains to translate it for you.
Please read it carefully. Germans have no humor whatsoever
when comes to their "Beduerfnisanstaltbenutzungsordnung".
I translated some parts literally, when I felt it might
add to the overall amusement factor.
Beduerfnisanstaltbenutzungsordnung
1. In the interest of neatness and hygiene, desire
institutions and their installations are to be kept
tidily at all times.
2. Attendance is only permitted for the purpose of
the execution of emergency relief.
Exceeding and useless lingering will be prosecuted for
trespassing.
3. Bulky items, especially baby carriages and bicycles
as well as animals are not allowed to be brought into
the desire institution. The prohibition is not applicable
for sickness-vehicles and seeing-eye dogs.
The funniest part of all were the faces of an elderly
couple who saw me taking the picture of a toilet door
in the middle of the night.
Unfortunately I have no documentation of that.
But my sculpture:
"You Guys Are Sick" does a pretty good job describing
it.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
14, 2003
031014 Honest
Pumpkins
click on the picture
to enlarge
Labor is very expensive in Germany that's why somebody
came up with ze idea to let other people do all the work.
Along every highway you'll find signs like ze one on the
picture above.(click on the picture to enlarge).
Ze idea is that you go out in ze field to plug your own,
strawberries, flowers or like in this case pumpkins, load
them in your car and then voluntarily pay by throwing
your money into ze box.
I could understand ze concept if you would get ze stuff
cheap. But a pumpkin is US $ 5 and you have to get it
yourself from ze field?
They are really tempting my honesty.
I just remembered: Newspaper are sold ze same way
here in Germany except you don't have to plug them from
a field.
October 11. 2003 TRAVEL BLOG
Munich, Germany
My little problem has been cured thanks to the medicinal
properties of Bavarian beer.
I am fine and what is more important I am allowed to
use my mom's toilet again.
Even the weather got a lot better. It is still cold
for my standards but at least the sun is shining.
It is difficult to write a travel blog if you don't
really experience exiting stuff.
I am having a great time visiting old friends but that
hardly creates material to write about.
When travelling through different foreign countries
one encounters a lot of those cute little local things
people do. I have been gone from here for such a long
time, many things appear slightly exotic to me. For
example I still have to figure why Germans lock up their
garbage.
Yesterday I was walking through the old part of Munich
and I discovered places I have never seen before in
my life. Like for example the Hofbraeuhaus. Every American
and Japanese has seen it. I grew up here and yesterday
was the first time I've stumbled over it. Talking about
Japanese. The Hofbraeuhaus is located in the middle
of the oldest part part of the city. Everything is very
traditional Bavarian especially those 5 or 6 Sushi bars
which surround the Hofbraeuhaus.
Enough for today. I am ready for my favoured past
time - jogging through the forest, before I indulge
in enormous beer steins filled with the finest Bavarian
beers. (just to make sure I don't get sick again)
October 8. 2003 TRAVEL BLOG
Munich, Germany
The last weeks Germany was suffering from the worst
heat wave in recorded history.
Until I arrived.
Right on cue, the very moment our plane was landing,
Munich had its first snow of the year.
Luckily I am not too much concerned about the weather
but I remembered right away why I am living in the tropics
since 16 years.
No pictures or artworks today. I feel like shit. That
refreshing little Thai breakfast in the airport stuff
canteen provided me with some cute little food poisoning.
Apparently it is so bad that my Mom, with whom I am
staying at the moment, doesn't allow me to use her toilet
and she sends me to the neighbor to do my frequent business
there.
The neighbor is on vacation.
Unless you want me to go into details of my problem
(which I don't advice) I'll get back to you more tomorrow...
October 7. 2003 TRAVEL BLOG
OK, as promised I will try to keep a travel
blog going.
I still hope that I will be able to create some art or
maybe some interesting photos but the least I can do is
to keep you updated on what I am doing.
Bangkok
Boooooring...
Bangkok it too close to Manila that it would still stirr
my creative juices.
When it comes to night life, well, I must have grown
out of it in the last years.
I went to bed very early, hoping that I could get up
early to take some pictures. The whole early morning
scene wasn't very inspiring, at least in the area I
was hanging out. A few street sweepers and a couple
of food vendors setting up. Now and then a drunk hooker
trying to work their charm on me.
After walking around for about an hour I settled for
some Starbucks coffee. I know I should have roughed
it and sat with the drunk hookers for some original
Thai street breakfast but well... maybe next time.
I went to the airport early and had a my Thai breakfast
there in the staff canteen and out I went.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
4, 2003
031004 The Shy
Stick Insect Hunter Magazine
click on the picture
to enlarge
The website you can bring to
the bathroom and read it there.
Political tree planting ceremonies are usually as exciting
as watching those trees grow.
Date:
Exhibit #
Title:
October
3, 2003
031003 Drunk &
Stoned Idiot Eats Burger
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to enlarge
The Shy Stick Insect Hunter is a non practising vegetarian.
