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The woolly,
farting Swan, a 10 foot giant, was a common sight in a dense coconut
forest in prehistoric Philippines.
For some unexplained reason it suddenly disappeared about 10,000
years ago. Some blame the disappearance to a meteor impact, others
cite a malignant virus which depleted the coconut forests, the woolly,
farting Swan's exclusive food source. Still others blame the arrival
of people.
The woolly, farting Swan was mercilessly hunted down in large numbers.
Curiously enough, not for it's meat. Some recently discovered cave
inscriptions described its taste as: "nook nog" which
can be roughly translated as: "yucky".
The woolly, farting Swan was living on an exclusive diet of coconuts
and it had a serious indigestion problem. As you know coconuts are
very high in fiber and they gave the woolly, farting Swan, as the
name already suggests, gas. Apparently they smelled so bad that
it compelled the early inhabitants of those islands to hunt them
down mercilessly.
They would hunt in groups of ten to twenty men armed with spears
and torches.
If they would pounce on one unfortunate woolly, farting Swan they
would scare it with their torches into an entrapment where they
could easily kill it. But once cornered, the woolly, farting Swan's
already poignant flatulence would worsen and in their panic they
would start to fart noisily all over the place.
Accidents were bound to happen with all those men carrying torches.
On occasion an unlucky soul, spear in one hand and torch on the
other, would stand just a little too close to the backside of the
Swan.He would go out in a blaze of glory. It was actually a very
honorable way to die and pretty much the best thing that could happen
to a young, brave warrior. For them it was much better to go up
in flames than to get stunk to death.
In honor of those brave warriors, the tribes would celebrate yearly
rituals.
The center piece of those festivities would be a 10 foot effigy
of the woolly, farting Swan which would let a big one go during
full moon. The bravest of all warriors would then light the fart.
The whole sculpture would then go up in flames while everybody would
dance like crazy around the flames.
The woolly, farting Swan unfortunately is extinct, but it's spirit
and luckily not the smell, lives on and the ritual is still being
celebrated every year. Up to this very day it is reincarnating in
the form of a wild beach party where musicians and artists from
all over the region get together to celebrate.
Although it is still being hotly debated, there are several respected
scientists who claim that the Woolly Farting Swan Festival is actually
the true origin of the
"Burning Man".
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yesterday
