I am not a big sports fan.
I love to run and hike but I don't enjoy joining ball games or even worse, watching them on TV.
And I am not interested in people repeating the scores to me they saw on the TV a while ago.
Give me first hand information. Tell me something about you, a funny anecdote from your life.
I rather hear that than second hand information you've got from the TV.
Even if I have to listen to my Taiwanese friend telling me about how, because of his diabetes, his penis gets smaller by the day.
There is always a bunch of guys in a pub talking about the latest sports results.
They all have seen the same program yet they are telling each other the same events over and over.
Luckily they usually leave me alone. It's common knowledge that Andy isn't into sports.
The last time somebody tried to sucker me into talking about the Grand Prix. I cut in:
"...And those rock climbers, have you ever seen how they run up those walls?"
Guy: "Yeah, aren't those incredible?"
Andy: "It used to be that they just tried to get to the top of those walls.
Today they are racing each other to the top.
I wonder what they come up next.
I have heart that they are planning to makes things a little more difficult for them and therefore slow down the whole event a little."
Guy: "Yeah? how?"
Andy:"They have to race to the top with a large cucumber up their asses."
Other guy: "You're shitting me"
Andy:"No, I am dead serious.
The tricky part is that you are not supposed to loose your cucumber during all that excitement."
Third guy: "Andy you are full of shit."
Andy:"No not me but the cucumber would be once one of them loses one.
Can you imagine how difficult it must be to race up an wall with a cucumber up your ass and you are not allowed to lose it.?
They're going real slow now I can tell ya."
Other guy: "Andy your are disgusting."
Andy:"They have special referees searching for bulges in the back of those guys pants.
I can hear the reporter going like this (imitating the voice of a sports caster):
Aaaaaand the race is on.
Very slowly and very carefully the ease their way up the wall.
Their faces are distorted with pain and concentration.
Finland is leading by a comfortable margin.
Oh wait. What have we got here?
That almost looks like a bulge to me. Yep, that's a bulge.
WEEE have a bulge, Finland is out.
I saw a show on Discovery Channel on how those guys train for the events.
They use special chairs which is actually a normal chair with exception that it has a toilet seat as the sitting area.
The athletes have to sit on them with their pants down.
They have special plastic cucumber with strings on them where you can attach different kind of weights.
A pack of sugar for beginners, a case of beer for the professionals.
Then they have to slowly try to lift the weight of the ground using their ring muscles only."
At this point, there was only one guy left standing with me and he excused himself to go to the bathroom.
He actually brought his beer with him.
I contemplated if I should follow and tell him about the little twist they thought about for the women's division.
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yesterday
