But, as I mentioned in the beginning I was on antibiotics and in order to address blood circulation problems in the affected area I came up with an idea. Whenever I used to masturbate (purely for medical reasons like to check for impurities in my sperm, honestly), my ball would swell up.
I thought, theoretically that means it gets more blood, right? So if I do it again it would allow the antibiotics to reach the affected area better. I put my plan into action. Initially everything seemed to work. My ball swelled but also those darn cramps came back as well. Instead of peaking after a day and then slowly subsiding as they did before they grew stronger and stronger. After three sleepless nights those cramps seemed to tear my intestines into shreds and it finally reached a point where I had to call an ambulance.

I can't remember to have ever been in so much pain before in my life. Apparently neither the ambulance nor the emergency ward at the hospital were at the liberty to do anything about it. After another 5 hours of agonizing hell, finally some charitable soul injected me with something that immediately relaxed me and took away the ache. But it wore off after a few hours and they wouldn't give it to me again for some reason. Any other pain reliever didn't help at all. I specially liked the one they gave me for the first three times. Every time they injected me with it, I immediately had to puke like crazy but at least it didn't do anything against the pain.

It was time to make the big decision and having done so I ended up in the operating room three days later. I was semi conscious during the procedure and artificially paralyzed from my waist down. The main thing I remember was thinking about all those people who die during operations (I wasn't worried about that myself) and the last thing they ever see of this world are those old, ugly, water-stained plaster ceilings.

One of my most sensitive body parts has gone to the big hunting gound.

That was a week ago and I am back home. The cramps are mostly gone, my wound is ok but my spine, where they injected me and possibly a kidney are still bothering me a little.

Soon I will have to face the real word again, see my friends at my watering hole.
I don't know if I have the balls for that.
People will probably drive me ballistic with never ending variations of humorous metaphors concerning certain missing body parts.
"How's it hanging, Andy" and
"Come over to my house, let's have a ball" etc, etc.
Ha ha ha

And I will stay well clear of the billiards table. There are way to many balls and possible references there to in its vicinity.