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"The only people
for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk,
mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones
who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn,
like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across
the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and
everybody goes "Awww!"----- Jack Kerouac
I like to surround myself
with people who can tell me a good story.
People who don't recite the evening news or the latest sports results.
When I am out sucking on some beer, shooting pool or partying my
ass off I want to hear things like for example all those details
about the shrinking penis of a Taiwanese friend of mine. He loves
to talk about his problem of his penis getting smaller by the day
because of his diabetes. It might be just some weird Chinese metaphor
for not getting a hard-on but for me it surely is class A material
for a good conversation.
I also like the story of a German friend telling me about how his
wife saw some lesbians making out in an apartment across the street.
He scolded his wife for peeping, sent her out of the room and then
he spent his early afternoons and evenings masturbating himself
sore watching those girls across the street.
The other night he told me about a diplomat friend of his who left
the country. My friend inherited a box full of DVDs from him. It
turned out to be a collection of pretty sick porn. I have always
had my suspicions about those diplomats. In the meantime unfortunately,
the lesbians, had bought some curtains. Now my friend had no choice
but to watch those DVDs about girls blowing horses, grandmothers
getting enemas and a huge black guy getting mounted by a dwarf.
Apparently that's my friend's favorite. He likes the part when the
dwarf bounces like a rubber ball on the huge cock of the black guy.
He told me that story at least 4 times and he laughs himself silly
every time he does.
I know a bunch of Germans
who tell good stories. Recently another one of them confessed to
me that he had a crush on a girl in his office and every evening,
after she had left, he goes to her desk and smells her chair.
Some of my female friends
have good stories too. Just the other evening I learned that if
you have a kitten, which doesn't know yet how to lick itself clean,
you can help to guide it in the right direction. My friend, who's
chair I would smell any time, then proceeded to very graphically
demonstrate how she licked the kitten's belly, which the kitten,
according to my friend, apparently enormously enjoyed. She re-enacted
the kitten's expression with thespian mastery. The good news is
that it seemed to have worked. That pussy can lick itself now. That
little cat, which apparently has been taken away too early from
its mother, also likes to seek comfort and warms by crawling under
the shirt of my friend's roommate to suck a little on her nipples.
It gets the lady so hot that she has to call her boyfriend over
for some fast relief.
A French friend of mine
told me how she masturbates her dog to calm his nerves, but we all
know how much the French love their dogs.
Another friend of mine
from Chicago told me recently how my story about getting blowjobs
from Billyboys inspired him to go to Angeles City and try it out
for himself. I don't want to go into any details but it seems he
only can highly recommend it. That's the same place where I met
an Australian fisherman, who was as happy as fish in water being
surrounded by all those beautiful bar girls. But he had a problem
and he told me about it. Unfortunately it seems, rumors about the
apparently enormous circumference of his member had spread and none
of the girls wanted to go out with him anymore. "It's not very
long but pretty wide" he explained to me, "kinda like
a beaver tail". Not very informative but it still beats the
latest sport results.
As you can see, there
are plenty of good stories out there.
The next time we meet and you want to turn me into your therapist
by buying me beers, make sure to make it worth my time and give
me a good story.
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yesterday
