an innocent evening in the pub ends with date-rape

A lonely ex-family man claims to have been date-raped by hitmself.

Andee M. a part time theatrical critic and web page designer was filing charges against himself yesterday at the Marin County Prosecutor's Office.
According to the police blotter, Andee M. was just having his customary beers
at his local hangout when suddenly he ordered one beer more than usual.
"I should have gotten suspicious right then and there," said the victim.
“Do we really have to talk about it?
It is so humiliating!”
“Anyway I was having a lot of fun, telling myself jokes and laughing out loud.
I guess I must have gotten carried away, I know some really good jokes.”
“Before I knew it, there was another full beer in front of me and who can resist that?”
“Certainly not me.”
“After that, everything became a blur.
I only remember being in the car and I could feel my hand on my crotch.
I pushed it away, not too forcefully but with determination.”
“I even smiled and asked it again with a calm voice not to touch my groin again.
It wasn't very unusual and I didn't think much more about it.”

“The next thing I remember is coming home and sitting in front of the TV.
Somehow I'd gotten myself a beer again.
Soon after that I can't remember a thing.
Until... excuse me but it still hurts when I talk about it,..."
Andee, fighting tears, takes a deep breath:
"....until I woke up in the morning with my pants down to my ankles and my dick in my hand.”
“There was tissue all over the place, it was horrible.”
“I ask, how could you do that to yourself?"

The local Sheriff promised to pursue the case relentlessly although he points out that the chances of a prosecution are slim because of the lack of witnesses.
"We have a whole bag of very sticky evidence but just even one witness would help us a lot.”
“We can't say without reasonable doubt if the victim wasn't consenting.”
What is worse, one guy from the pub claims to have seen Andee M. buying himself ladies drinks that night.
“If we can verify that, it might look bad for the victim."
Andee M. is outraged.
"I feel I am the victim all over again.
Do I have to kill myself before something happens?"

Arraignment is set for next week.

An exclusive report by :
The Stick Insect Hunter