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I keep my private life strictly separated from my family life.

It's a wild and crazy world. Full of adventures and surprises. And hopefully one day I'll find out where that place is.

When I was very little I had a lot of pigeons living happily in front of my window. They always made those "guru, guru" pigeon sounds. Whenever I hear them now I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside my belly, remembering my childhood days.
A few days back my son, who has a bunch of pigeons in our back yard told me that pigeons only do that sound when they are horny or actually doing the deed. So basically it means that I grew up listening to fucking pigeons. No wonder that I am shy around women.

Once you reached a certain age you should drive a Prosche or at least have blue hair. At this moment blue hair seems to fit my budget much better than a Porsche.

You don't have to be pretty to be attractive and you don't have to be coherent to make sense.

Apparently the two most common sections of prenuptial agreements women have a problem with are:

1) We will have none of those women things.
2) The women is allowed a maximum weight gain of 15 % .

You are probably right when you say that I am slightly disturbed. But you have to admit that I am pretty good at it.

A mathematical approach to aging

My friend Alisdair introduced me to an interesting observation. At some point in your life, when you are getting older each one of us gets the sensation that life seems to speed up. A year starts to feel like a month, a month like a week and a week like a day. Alisdair had a mathematical explanation for this phenomena. When you are ten years old a year represents ten percent of your life. By the time you are sixty a year is only one sixtieth part of your life, a much smaller fraction. Hence it feels like a much smaller part of your life.

Good vibrations

People are constantly sending out vibrations. Sometimes your vibrations overlap with somebody else's which manifests itself in sympathy towards the other person, friendship or even love depending how much you harmonize. When two vibrations with the same frequency meet each other they amplify each other. That's when you get a good team in the ideal case or mass hysteria on the other end of the spectrum.

Watch out what kind vibrations you are sending out.

Opera? We don't need opera around here. We have naked girls.

You all know that pregnant pause when you walk into a room full of strangers who all know each other. It comes right behind the "hi everybody." (blue hair seems to slightly enhance the awkwardness for a couple of seconds). You have to break the ice before somebody comes up with a stupid remark about your hair. I usually start sniffing around the room and ask: "Did somebody fuck a clown in here?". Then I assume the pose of a strict teacher and wiggle my index finger at everybody and repeat knowingly: "Somebody fucked a clown in here". At this point it is important to put on a slightly naughty smile because you never really know what kind of relationship those people might have with clowns and you don't want to give them the impression that you are weird.

Nothing convinces people more that you are a nice guy than demonstrating constantly what it means to be one.

A friend, Bing Beltran referred to my photography as being : "kinetic".
I like that.
From now on I like to refer to myself as :

Andy Maluche
Kinetic Reality Photographer and Participating Observer

I am not a relationship kinda guy.
Hell, I can't even masturbate twice to the same porn video.

It's amazing how much stuff you can get done during the day if you didn't have 20 beers the night before. I should try that more often.

My art is emotionally driven. Sometimes it takes a while before I can attribute some rational understanding to it.

Somebody asked me if I smoke marijuana and I said that I used to but it affected my memory and I forgot who my dealer was and then I couldn't buy it anymore.

My art is emotionally driven. Sometimes it takes a while before I can attribute some rational understanding to it.

When I was back in Germany my Mom gave me some honey which she got straight from the bee keeper.
It was great but I prefer my honey coming from bees.

The great thing about being an artist is that you can include all the fun things into your CV.